Making your dating experience safe and enjoyable
Finding the kind of relationship that you want over the long term is what we specialise in. Whether you meet through our events, online dating or our personal introductions agency ‘Matchmakers, it is not only possible to meet that someone special, but we have seen it happen so frequently in the 10+ years we have been helping to create happy couples and run sucessful singles events.
When the Music Stops is an upmarket specialist singles events dating company that works to deliver you exciting events where you can discover quickly that vital chemistry, meeting other local singles face to face, rather than online dating only. We believe in helping you to make the best choice of partner by providing quality events at nice quality venues in as many locations around the country as possible.
Whenever and however you meet new friends or a potential partner, your judgement and instincts are your vital allies in protecting yourself. There is no substitute for acting with caution, care and due dilligence when communicating with someone you are just getting to know, whether that is through online dating or meeting face to face.
Here are some essential safety rules and recommendations to ensure you are on the right track to build a successful relationship but keep yourself safe too.
1. Use your judgement
In the 10 years plus that we have operated we have had very few problems with regards to clients meeting others but while we routinely monitor all reports of problems and investigate all complaints of unusual or inappropriate conduct, we do not conduct criminal background checks at the time a booking or when an online profile is registered with us. As with any personal contact or meeting online or offline, keep in mind it is always possible for people to misrepresent themselves so we would always recommend caution when meeting someone new. Most of the people who attend our events or join us online are very genuine but ultimately it is your responsibility to check out the validity of the person you are interacting with. Don’t give the benefit of the doubt or ignore any facts that seem inconsistent. Intuition and instinct is important and we recommend that you don’t take any risks whatsover. If you’re talking to someone at an event, online or by phone or text and they say things that don’t ring true or raise your suspicions, consider ending the meeting or conversation and let us know of your concerns. If you’re out on a date and you do not feel comfortable, maybe you ought to consider terminating it and returning home. And remember, if you are meeting others through one of our professioanlly organised and hosted events there is always someone available from When The Music Stops on hand to help if you have any concerns.
Also, be aware of these common issues when you’re getting to know someone new. Watch out for someone who:
- Asks for your contact information in advance of matches being provided through our results service.
- Requests to talk or chat outside the venue on the evening – stick to the rules.
- Claims that your meeting was “destiny” or “fate,” especially early in communication.
- Claims to be from the U.K. but is currently living, working, or travelling abroad.
- Asks for money for ANY reason, goods or any similar type of assistance, especially if you have only recently met.
- Asks you to assist with personal or financial transactions (depositing funds, shipping merchandise, etc).
- Wants the relationship to progress faster than you are comfortable in doing.
- Reports a sudden personal crisis and pressures you to provide financial assistance.
- Asks inappropriate personal or sexual questions.
- Requests your home or work address under the pretence of sending flowers or a gift.
- Tells inconsistent or exaggerated stories.
- Repeatedly gives vague or evasive answers to specific questions.
- Urges you to compromise your principles or the pace you are happy with.
- Constantly blames others for troubles in his or her life and appears to be carrying baggage.
- Insists on getting overly close, very fast, which makes you uncomfortable.
If a date makes you suspicious or uncomfortable in any way, please report this as a concern to us by emailing [email protected] so that we can investigate the matter and consider taking appropriate action.
2. Don’t ever share financial or password information
- Don’t ever give out your credit card number or bank information to someone you have met at an event or online.
- Don’t ever share your National Insurance number, mother’s maiden name, or other private information that can be used to access your financial information.
- Don’t ever send money to someone you meet at an event or online.
- Don’t ever provide password or log in information for your online accounts
Cease contact immediately with anyone who pressures you for personal or financial information or attempts in any way to intimidate or goad you into providing it.
3. Protect your account and booking details
Our online booking form is very secure but when accessing your account or booking an event from a public or shared computer, use caution and be aware of your surroundings so that others are not able to view or record your password or other personal information or bank details.
4. Be careful when sharing contact information or address and phone details
We don’t ever wish to scaremonger or exaggerate problems as in more than a decade we have had very few issues at all, but we do want our daters to stay safe. So please do follow the rules and advice if attending an event. If you tick people on your match sheet, we will be exchanging contact details on your behalf – after all that is what speed dating is all about, it’s all part of the service we offer you and this will only be your choice of a mobile number or email address. But we encourage you to be prudent when sharing personal information that could reveal your full identity. Never include your last name, home address, land line telephone number, place of work or any other identifying information until you are ready and feel confident in the person you are communicating with.
Phoning and texting the other person is an important step in getting to know each other better and can help the relationship progress to the next level. But before you share other information make sure you have discussed the need to respect each other’s privacy. If either of you decide to end communication in the future, agree not to use the personal information you hold as a nuisance factor or means to pursue a relationship that has run its course.
5. Do your research on your dates
Meeting face to face at an event can give lots of confidence and be a distinct advantage over other forms of dating. But it doesn’t reduce the need for caution and due diligence with regards to the background of the people you choose to date. Because we insist on payment upfront for bookings, almost everybody at our events will have had to provide a full home address and postcode,which is verified as part of our checks, their age and date of birth, and bank details, which is a great way of checking that they are who they say they are but we would not be aware of whether or not they have ever been convicted of a criminal offence. There is still a need for you to conduct your own research into your date’s background and through questioning them. There are now specialist companies that provide background checks and whilst we have never had problems of this nature, if in doubt you may want to consider using them. Even relying solely on screening can provide a false sense of security, so we strongly recommend that you follow the rest of the Dating Safety Tips we have provided and when it comes to your personal safety, you are ultimately in control, so do be cautious.
You may have built up an excellent rapport on your mini date and subsequently feel very confident that you know them well but we encourage you to do your own research before meeting in person on a proper date. This can include typing your date’s name into a search engine or using a site like 192.com to find out more about them. Above all else, use common sense. Pay close attention to the personal details someone shares with you as part of the getting to know you process and if you don’t feel comfortable or if you find something that doesn’t seem to add up, follow your intuition and discontinue contact.
6. Use caution when deciding to click on any web link or URL and never give people access to your PC
We understand that when you are dating you may want to share a URL link to a favourite website, article or information as part of the getting to know you process. However, be cautious as a general rule, and always use your judgement, particularly when deciding to click on any URL links. Use of these links to access other websites is at your own risk and could involve you picking up a virus on your computer or a trojan horse that could possibly give someone else control of your PC. Also never give control of your computer to another party voluntarily through third party software.
7. Take your time in getting to know someone
Don’t rush your date or the natural process of getting to know each other. You may already have met at an event and while online communication through email and texting can accelerate your level comfort and intimacy with that person, we can’t stress enough how important it is for you to take your time getting to know your match with caution in the real, rather than the virtual world.
Meeting at an event can be a great advantage and you will have had the chance to check if that vital chemistry is there upfront. However it is vital to date and get to know each other in a deeper, more meaningful way too by checking out areas of commonality and sharing experiences together. The more experiences you share, the better your chances of avoiding hidden pitfalls further down the track and any nasty surprises about a date’s personality or compatibility. So allow time for your knowledge of the person to build and don’t attempt to rush things on too quickly.
8. Making your first date a safe and successful one
Meeting in person is the exciting bit. And we want you to have fun and explore the chemistry you share with your date, but don’t let a high level of expectation cloud your judgement or your ability to stay in control however – we want to keep you as safe and happy as possible.
- Choose the time and place of your date wisely, if you have met before on an event, perhaps now is the time to spend a little more time together, if not shorter dates can often work very well.
- Meet in a public place at a time hour during which lots of people will be around. Lunch dates work especially well and offer great value too.
- Limit the amount of alcohol you drink or abstain entirely until you know the person better.
- Use your own transportation, even when meeting someone who lives a great distance away from you. Never agree to be picked up at your home. It’s never a good idea to get into someone’s personal vehicle on a first date. Wherever possible, drive yourself or take a taxi.
- Tell at least one friend or family member about your plans and when you will return. Arrange to check in with them during your date by text and after each of the first few dates, when you have arrived home safely.
- Carry a fully charged mobile phone with easily accessible emergency numbers.
- Leave your drink unattended if possible, so that a sedative could be added without your knowledge
- Leave personal belongings such as purses, wallets, or jackets with pockets unattended in case they contain items that could reveal personal information about you, such as a driver’s license, credit cards business cards and ATM receipts.
- Meet at your house or place of work or give that information out until you have had a good opportunity to know the other person better.
- Run up a large bill on a date without first discussing how the cost will be divided upfront.
- Go home with someone or invite them back to your home, even if it feels like everything is going great. As yet you have not spent enough time with them to assess whether your personal safety is at risk.
9. Always treat people with kindness and respect
Always be respectful and treat your dates as you would want them to treat you, this applies both at events and subsequently on a proper date and is one of our basic rules. Not everyone you meet is going to be right for you so closing communication with dates has to happen sometimes – it is actually a natural and healthy part of the process. When the Music Stops is about bringing two compatible people together who have a degree of chemistry between them from which a long-term relationship would have a high probability of success. You still need to carefully consider whether this particular person is one with whom you would like to further a relationship. If you feel the need to end communication with them, then be honest, direct and polite. The sooner you address this issue, the better for both of you.
If a date feels the need to close down communication with you, please respect their wishes and do not pester them or get in touch further.
10. Report concerns to When the Music Stops
If in doubt – tell us!
If something has happened to raise your concerns at an event, report it to our host or hostess immediately. If something of a concern happens later on, on a date, or in the interim prior to a date, we would also like to be informed if you have serious concerns or issues. We would then endeavour to ensure that, that person is then excluded from future events and any online dating profile is suspended.
11. Remember your other options
Dating events and online dating is not the total of your dating options. Don’t forget we also provide high quality personal introductions through our sister companies, www.searchmate.co.uk and www. matchmakersdating.net – both of these companies provide a highly personalised service where a dating expert works with you as a Personal Matchmaker and facilitates your dates for you. Every member is also personally checked and vetted as genuine. They are also checked for criminal offences and fraud, so you can meet people with absolute confidence.
Good luck and happy dating.