How to spot the signals
Once you’re at your event, have you ever wondered how to spot who fancies you? Well, according to psychological research, there are 3 main classes of clues that you can look out for. They are to do with facial expression, posture and what a person is doing with their hands!
Have you ever wondered why candle-lit dinners are so romantic? Well, it’s because the low lighting causes the pupils of our eyes to widen. If someone looks at us and their pupils dilate, then that means they find us attractive. Obviously it is difficult to spot this without getting really close, but we do register it subconsciously and lots of eye contact is easy to spot. Then we can choose whether to respond, either by maintaining eye contact or breaking it. Someone catching and keeping our gaze for just a little longer than normal is a sure-fire signal that they fancy us – the “eyes across a crowded room” scenario!
A smile is the sexiest signal a person can give us; it means they like us and want us to like them. It lifts the facial muscles and makes the eyes sparkle, making them look younger (regardless of the “laughter lines” it might create!) and the action of smiling actually makes the brain release serotonin, the “happy” chemical, and so that person actually feels better by smiling at you, and they will go on to associate you with feeling happy, which could help your budding relationship develop! But a word of caution – beware the fake smile – one that doesn’t reach the eyes as that person is not being honest.
You might also notice that the person talking to you is moistening their lips with the end of their tongue. This might be because they are a little bit nervous – this might be due to another chemical, adrenalin, which we release when we are aroused and can give us a dry mouth. Other ways to spot this response in a person is if they have a slight flush to their cheeks or lower neck; just make sure it’s not because of how much alcohol they’ve had to drink!
Has anyone ever stood so close to you that you feel uncomfortable? We all have an area around our body, a “personal space” that we only let another person invade under very special circumstances, for example if we are attracted to them. If someone is attracted to you, then they might try and bend the rules about this by just leaning towards you with the top half of their body as they talk, or by shifting their stance to maintain a constant, relatively small distance between the two of you as you move. This is a good way of testing the water, as they’re not risking too much, and you can respond either way very discretely without either of you losing face. Another way a person can use their body to signal that they like us is to mirror our movement and posture, for example by resting their head in the same hand (theirs, not yours!), so that to an observer they would look like a mirror image of ourselves.
The way someone uses their legs – knees and feet especially is a good clue to how they feel about us. Basically if their knees or feet keep pointing towards us, particularly if they have had to swivel the top half of their body’s away, for example to talk to someone else for a minute, it means we’re well in! On the other hand, if a person taps or kicks their foot whilst talking to you, it means that they want to escape, and if they cross their arms over their chest, move on; you’re wasting your time!
There are lots of things that a person can do with their hands that lets us know they’re interested, not least of all is to touch us! A touch is always incidental, not accidental, in other words a touch happens on purpose. If they touch themselves it could be for one of two reasons. Firstly, they could be aroused and so a bit tingly – back to the adrenalin here, especially if they are touching their mouth. The other reason could be that they are “grooming” themselves, for example running their fingers through their hair. This serves two purposes – it tidies it up a bit and draws your attention to it.
The other way in which grooming can direct your attention is by fiddling with clothing or by gently brushing our own skin with our finger tips. A woman caressing her collar bone or down the front of her throat is directing a gentleman’s gaze downwards. So, guess where a chap is trying to direct a ladies gaze when he fiddles with his tie (just a big arrow, really!) or hooks his thumbs in his belt?
An interesting, if slightly strange element of this is something called the “wrist flash”. Try it – run your fingers through your hair to sweep it behind your ear. The movement momentarily exposes your wrist, which apparently is a very sexy signal, especially to men! Mind you, it also has the effect of lifting the arm away from the body and silhouetting the breast.
As often as not, your intuition will pick up these signals faster than you can analyse them, but you can always use the ideas to play “people watching” games. And if you want to let someone know you fancy them, just put the rules in reverse and see what happens!